Another Tear

She turned to him, didinterested in the band that was playing on stage. He was sitting with one leg on his seat, very casually, but there was an undercurrent of tension which betrayed itself in his shoulders. His polo tshirt and jeans were in stark contrast with her own outfit, she felt distinctly overdressed.

'So what kinda music do you like?'

'Hip hop...Punk rock...I hate metal. You?'

'Same. Hey have you heard Breathless?'

'Yes! Oh my god I love that song!'

'Me too. I listen to it every night before I sleep.'

'I think Shane Ward is sadistic. I mean 'I'll fall deeper watching you give life'?? She's in agony!...'
She chattered on mindlessly, half heeding a vague stirring in her heart as his propensity to be moved by mere lyrics made her look at him in a new light. 

***
Each picture slashed her heart. Every single picture of him and her. The happiness in their smiles and the evidence of the time they'd spent together forming ties that bound rubbed salt into the serrated cuts.

She clicked on the next picture and as it came into view a smile spread across her face. It was a picture of him at a function talking to someone and his expression which conveyed the essence of his soul; innocence, delighted her. 

Then she came across another picture...of her, uploaded on the 10th of February. The picture was a compilation of a series of photos of her in different poses. But it was the caption that gripped her heart in a cold vice that threatened to stop the racing beat. 

The lyrics of breathless. 

A chill ran through her as she realised how infinitely stupid her feelings were. 
Breathless, a song that she had always associated with him and couldn't listen to without a remeniscent smile playing on her lips, was used to allude to their feelings. 

He was hers.

He belonged to her. 

A tear rolled down her cheek.

Tears welled up in her eyes and were instantly suppressed by her clenched jaws and tight lips but even though her eyelids squeezed shut to dam the tears, two tear drops escaped and trailed down her cheeks. 

***

Going through a messy drawer, determined to set things in order, she came across a few used tickets to concerts and plays she had gone to which she had saved. She rifled through them, smiling at fleeting memories they evoked, until she came across a red and black ticket. With shaking hands she picked it out of the bunch, vary of the memories it evoked of that night with him at the concert and set her jaw against the weakness of her eyes. 

She happened to glance at the date, 20th of February, and instantly remembered the date that photo had been uploaded. 

Everything came into focus with the utmost, almost blinding, clarity. 

She tossed the repulsive ticket away as though it had burned her with a sob.

***

A cool breeze swirled around her setting stray strands of hair fluttering softly against her cheeks. They caressed her face as though aware of her vulnerability and comforting her with their embraces. She hugged her knees tightly and gazed up at the stars, seeing the diamond pinpricks of light in the midnight blue but not really comprehending their subtle beauty. Music wafted in on the cool breeze and tugged dangerously at the barriers she had adamantly built around her heart...

She's always on my mind 
By the time i wake up 'til i close my eyes 
She's everywhere i go, she's all i know 
Though she's so far away 
It just keeps getting stronger every day 
So tell me where do i stop cause it's breaking my heart 
Don't want to let her go 

Maybe my love will come back someday 
Only heaven knows 
Maybe our hearts will find their way 
And only heaven knows 
And all i can do is hope and pray 
'Cause heaven knows 

My friends keep telling me 
That if you really love her, you've gotta set her free 
If she returns in kind 
I know she's mine 
But tell me where do i start 
'Cause it's breaking my heart 
Don't want to let her go 

Why i live in despair 
Cause why do we go dreaming 
I know she's never there 
And all the time i act so brave, i'm shaking inside 
Why does it hurt me so 

A sob caught in her throat. The wind, seeming to understand her pain, blew gently on her face, encouraging her to let it all out. A tear, followed by another, then another and soon her face was streaming with tears and her shoulders trembled...



Christina De Silva 
18 June 2009