Blue

I can’t remember what I look like. I reach up and touch my face. I feel the hollow pits which are my cheeks and my parched skin. The only moisture on my face is the blood trickling from the cut on my lower lip which nearly split it in two. I feel the dry blood on my face which crumbles as I touch it. My skin is wrinkled and taut over the bones of my face. My beard is long and unkempt. I touch my disheveled hair and feel sand in the tangled mess. 

I can’t feel. I know that my skin should be dry and wrinkled after infinite starvation and my lips are wet with blood. But I can’t feel it. Numb with cold and the lack of circulation, the dry, flaky skin which sticks to my bones has lost all feeling. 

By the dim light which seeps in through the tiny slit in the wall which served as a window for light and ventilation, I glance over the damage they have done without enthusiasm. My skin is mottled with shades of blue. The dark blue bruises throb with a dull pain as I run a hand over them. The fresh blue ones sting my wasted flesh with a pain that I am used to. Surprise and relief confuse me. They have merely scratched me compared to what I have suffered. I am slouched against a wall and as I try to move my shattered body a sharp pain sears my flesh and grips my spine in a vice. An involuntary cry escapes my lips and instantly I regret it, knowing that I will pay dearly for the forbidden noise. The rasping cry startled me. Is that what I sound like? A shudder travels down my spine, intensifying the pain. 

The door creaks open. My senses are suddenly alert but relax again knowing that it is inevitable. I am helpless. I hear heavy footsteps, metal spikes dragging on hard, cold concrete. In the dim light I see the cold glint of metal. The light catches it and it flashes an ominous, cruel blue. The blue comes closer to me. It menacingly touches my cheek and travels down to my neck in an obvious threat. I do not feel threatened. It would be a blessing to escape the daily torment of body and soul. A few words are uttered through clenched jaws and the weapon is raised and swiftly flashes through the air and meets my head in a blow that reverberates through my head. The pain is unbearable. 

I feel myself slipping into blissful oblivion… 
How long will this go on...I can’t take much more…How long has it been… 
I miss you… 



REBELS DOWN AIRFORCE TRANSPORT PLANE 

An Air Force Y-8 transport plane carrying barbed wire for road blocks was shot down by the Sea Rebels off the coast of the terrorist held area yesterday morning. The Y-8 fell into the sea and was surrounded by Sea Rebels boats detaining the Navy from going to the crew’s rescue. Three of the five crew members were rescued and later succumbed to their injuries. The other two members are listed as ‘missing’. 

-The Sunday Times, 19th November, 1995 



“Is the check finished?” I asked impatiently. I looked up at the azure sky, my sunglasses glinting in the early morning sunshine. I admired the vast, cloudless blue expanse, burning with the urge to be airborne. To feel the exhilaration of being in the ambient blue. Shifting uneasily and impatiently I fidgeted with my fingers. The colour had faded from my blue shirt, due to wear and many washes by loving hands, to a soft blue. It moved with ease with my hasty gestures and brought back loving words chastising me to be patient from the same woman who washed and ironed it and smoothed the creases when I wore it that morning. 

Finally the before flight check was complete and the plane was loaded with the barbed wire we were going to transport to the front line. I sat on the co-pilots seat and watched the pilot ease the aircraft onto the runway. Within minutes we were airborne and as the pilot keyed in the flight path I stared out the cockpit glass. As we gained altitude the clouds swirled around us, enticing and enrapturing. 

Half an hour swiftly passed, absorbed in the beauty without. We began our descent and the pulsating blue expanse came into view. It looked so calm that for a moment I was lulled into a sense of security. 
But the feeling of unease welling up inside me dispelled the calm. I knew that on the surface the sea was frothy, and murky and fatal deep below. Premonition hit me with full force and I saw the events unfolding as if I was a passive observer. There was a loud explosion and the plane shook so violently that my teeth rattled. Panic erupted within the plane. Frozen with fear, I could only stare as the flaming plane plummeted to the open jaws of the raging sea which reared up to engulf it. 


Swirling around me… Luring me down…down…down…into the dark blue… Dragging me, drugged…like a seductress. Teasing, flirting with my body, but the attraction, enchantment is so strong…so strong…I can’t resist …I breath in her irresistible scent… Enticing me to lose myself in her alluring embrace…My senses dulled, drunk with overwhelming passion…I succumb… 

Something jerks me up. As it drags me out I feel her losing her grip on me. I gasp for breath. Someone slaps my face vigorously and roughly shoves me aside. I hear hushed conversation and feel their burning looks of suspicion and revulsion. I vaguely register that something is wrong and for a moment, long for those tempting sapphire swirls before I lose consciousness. 



How much more can I take? Get out! I can’t take this! Let me go you bastards! Why are you doing this to me? Why?! 

Voices screamed in my head, unanswered echoes. They rose to a frenzy, invoking fierce emotions. In unison with them every limb in my body screamed with excruciating pain. The torture they had inflicted was so intense that my body burned as though I had been skinned. They had succeeded in dismantling my weak defenses a long time ago. Now they had penetrated my mind, my sanctuary. They had grabbed my last shreds of sanity and my greatest treasure, my memories. 

From where I lay on the ground, when they ruthlessly shoved me aside, I could see through the jagged slit in the wall. Serrated like the permanent scar on my soul. I had a forbidden glimpse of inky darkness. Confused because I didn’t see the powder blue sky I was aching for I gazed up until realization slowly hit me. It’s night! The first glimpse of the blessed sky after….how long?? The voices in my head raged, rising in a crescendo. The sky was dark blue. Cobalt swirls covered the white orb…what was it…? The moon! It glowed an eerie and mysterious blue. Straining my eyes, which were weak due to perpetual darkness, and looking at that ghostly, elusive sphere floating in the midnight blue silk, dappled with pinpricks of light, I felt like a werewolf. Savage. Isolated. I could feel the foam at the corners of my mouth dripping down my neck and merging with the blood flowing profusely from the myriad of wounds. I did not care if they heard death tightening its menacing, unrelenting tentacles around me. I hoped they came and put an end to my terrified existence...Agony to end agony… 



TIGERS OPEN CLAWS 

The rebels have revealed their possession of one of the victims of the 1995 Y-8 crash subsequent to the peace negotiations. They have agreed to free the prisoner of war who will be reunited with his mourning family. 

-Sunday Observer, 02nd March, 2005 



I gaze around me, I am dazed. Occasionally closing my eyes from the light, I take in my surroundings in a happy haze. An ecstatic smile lights up my face as I recognize objects in the abstract of vivid colour. Sounds tickle my ears, and my head is a blur as I try to identify each source. People talking vehemently to me, asking questions, their voices quiver with incredulity. I cannot understand them. Hardly able to tear myself away from the glamour around me, I barely nod and grunt something utterly incoherent and grin lopsidedly. Suddenly something shimmering and vibrating with life catches my eye. Wild with joy, I recognize the glittering turquoise mass as the sea. I stagger towards it. My weak limbs, unable to keep up with my alert mind, collapse. A collective gasp of horror ripples through the gathering and they crowd around me. Lying there spread eagled my smile widens in bliss. My eyes dilate as I take in the divine blue. A blue so exultant and consistent, it gives me hope and life. 


Christina De Silva 
06 November 2008