Revulsion

She shook her head, tears springing to her eyes.

‘Don’t… Don’t come near me. I told you…’ Her whisper was barely audible.

He stood there, uncomprehending. His eyes bright with a lifeless light.

‘Heyy baby..’ The slurred words grated on her ears.

He staggered towards her. Stumbled.

The memories came rushing, she had nowhere to hide. From him. From them.

He grasped her arm and she winced with the pain he was unconscious of causing her.

An image forced itself out of the barriers in her heart.

A woman being hit repeatedly and a child screaming.

She shut her eyes tight, hoping vainly that she could shut her heart to the flood of memories which now threatened to paralyze her when she shut out his unfocused eyes.

She felt his breath on her cheek and shuddered as she smelt the alcohol.

A smell that had caused her so much pain.

He coughed, nearly threw up.

A weakened old man, lying in bed for years, waiting for release. His own and for the others who suffered with him.

‘I told you I never want to see you drunk.’

The bitter reproach did not register in his head. She didn’t expect it to. Not now.

‘We were just having fun. I’m not that drunk.’

The old excuse.

Words she had come to hate because they were a premonition of a fight.

He wavered. She instinctively put her arms around him to steady him. He hugged her and she responded despite the bitter tears that were running down her face.

‘I love you’

Never trust a man capable of getting drunk senseless.

A child always believes his mother.

As if burnt, she drew back her hands. Drunken words never held a meaning for her.