Love, my emaciation

Every time I fall 
Every time I trust 
Every time I let my defenses down 
Im hurt 
Heartbroken 
Crushed 
Wounded 
Like a soldier behind enemy lines 
In an infinite war 
Shot while a white flag flutters in his face 
Like a turtle who has been coaxed out of its shell 
Frightened and threatened 
It will retreat to the dark recesses it calls home 
Not reappearing…for a long time 
And only when it really needs food 
I don’t want 
Hugs 
Kisses 
I want your time 
Is that so hard? I thought you care? 
Your time is my senses 
Without time spent with me, making me feel you care 
I am blind to the charm of your smiles 
I am deaf to your declarations of adoration 
I am insensitive to the tenderness in your caresses 
I can not smell the sweetness of your perfume 
I can not taste your lips on mine 
Diamonds are dust 
Roses and rocks 
I don’t care what you give me 
You can be a pauper 
But if you give me your time 
I will love you like a king 
You ask my why I don’t respond to your hugs 
A mannequin in your arms 
I’m protecting myself 
I don’t want to base my affection on 
Hugs and kisses which can be empty 
Devoid of all emotion, stemming from lust 
Mannequins have scars, did you know that? 
From all the people who handled it rough 
It comes to pieces if you handle it wrong 
‘I wont come see you, I miss you’ 
I laugh at the paradox of it while tears spring into my eyes 
What is this ludicrous farce we call love? 
That has the power to bring a woman sobbing to her knees? 
The power to ruin the greatest man? 
And like an eagle in flight 
Be the wind man and woman soar on? 
The true tragedy of life 
Is not sorrow or suffering 
It is that we have an imagination 
The power to think and illusion ourselves 
Every tear makes me stronger 
Every heartbreak, number 
Every disillusionment makes perception sharper 
Very soon I will be 
A romantic, wounded soul hiding 
Within an armored , numbed body 
What will happen when true love 
Falls on his knees before me? 
What will this deaf, blind, insensitive carcass do? 
Love, my emaciation. 


Christina De Silva 
13 July 2009